WAGS: A Positive Contribution

I love sport, so it's a shame I don't get much opportunity to play nowadays but when I do I feel such a sense of freedom. School days were the best, daydreaming in Chemistry about the double hat-trick you scored on the Friday afternoon when you spent 50mins stood in the 6 yard box. Oh such glorious times, as you'd run with a Shearer-esque celebration down the touchline in front of the person you fancied; hoping your heroics would catch their eye. Indeed the mere presence of somebody you 'admire' during a sporting event you are partaking in is enough to send effort levels through the roof. So after the shambles of the World Cup and Ashes, it's a wonder that there have been no high profile separations (minus Downing) to speak of, then again the current WAGS aren't renowed for having much shame left.

Anyway there's been much talk of the WAGs being a distraction whilst being on tour with their respective partners. I say that's pish pash, it wasn't a distraction for me or my friends during those wonderful lunchtime kickabouts. Maybe though that's because the objects of our affections were usually seated a) next to the goal or b) on the touchline, along with everybody else and not positioned some half a mile away up in a cushy directors box. This is where the distraction element comes into play, you see when you'd scored your latest whizzcracker from 3 yards or so you always knew where to snatch a glance and the proximity would allow for some subtle body language to take place.

However when the 'love of your life' is thrust among a sea of faces it diminishes the effect their presence has upon your game. You'll spend half of the game trying to look for row G and as a consequence that is more likely where you'll smack the ball when given a chance. So what I'm suggesting is park them somewhere all together much closer; the dugout. You can easily whack down some extra seating, hey, perhaps they could even have their own technical area!

And the purpose for this innovation? Well, the heat will really be on the players now - especially if they desire not to be left in the doghouse with their partner. And whats more, the spectators will have the added pleasure of being able to indulge in some WAGs top-trump during the more boring passages of play.

Imagine if you will they implement this notion for England's internationals coming up this weekend with the football (vs Israel) and the cricket (vs Kenya). I can already see record wins for our national sides. With the considerable talent and ego of all 22 men there's no way they'll want to miss out on a bit of hanky-panky that night just because they couldn't pull their thumb from their asses while having to face sub-standard opposition.

So there you have it, I have just conceived an idea which just cannot fail, it is brilliant in it's design & structure and one which does not in anyway make a mockery of a sporting contest. One has to feel for Owen Hargreaves though, but then again the lad wouldn't need some silly little floozy to get him fighting for the cause and more the power to him. C'mon En-gur-land!

Ashley
Bored of England